I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
