you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
