Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
