i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
