Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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