I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
