If i come over, it means nothing
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
