the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
