If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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