I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
