Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
