My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
