I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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