And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
