you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
