This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
