The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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