I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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