I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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