During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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