hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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