She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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