Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
