i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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