Can Purell be used as lube?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
