fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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