It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
