I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
