its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
