I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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