im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
