And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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