I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
