I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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