We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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