Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
