dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
