yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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