i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
