Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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