Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
