From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
