You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
