I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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