Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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