I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
