I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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