You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
