he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
