I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
