Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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