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dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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