I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are