theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out