that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.