you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"