your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs