we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
