Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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