I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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