I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
