I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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