i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
