Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm jealous of your bromance
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm really busy with my period
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