Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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