I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
