You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
