Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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