I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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