she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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