I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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