Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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