Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
