yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
